Dear Best Friend,
Over the years, we’ve been through a lot together. You’ve helped me through bad breakups, personal losses and most of the major hardships I’ve had to face. I love you, man. You’re like a brother to me. It’s because I care that I write this letter.
Please just admit that you’re gay. We all know it. I’m not going to think any less of you and everyone else will finally stop asking me about it.
When you started working out again just so you could see that lifeguard at the YMCA, I said nothing. When you waxed your body and started tanning, I just nodded when you told me it was because that’s what girls like now. When you started buying “outfits” instead of clothes, I stifled my laughter. When you got not only a manicure, but a pedicure, I just shrugged.
Hell, man, I even deleted that picture of you kissing our other friend from my camera and never said a word about it after. It only cost you a pack of cigarettes, too. You know that would’ve been at least $20 for anyone else.
But for the love of God, it’s starting to get silly. Quit dating these girls and wondering why it never works out. You’re gay.