I’m at work. This is a short list of really annoying people that I see on a daily basis. I’m writing it because I’m too tired to write anything truly coherent right now. And because I might be feeling just a little like an unreasonably grumpy bastard.
1. To all you lovely folks that can’t think without leaving your mouths hanging open, I hope fire ants start a colony in your esophagus. No, really.
2. Open-mouth gum chewers everywhere: you look like cows with cud. Stop it.
3. Women in low-cut tops who give me dirty looks for sneaking a quick peek need to dress more conservatively.
4. Tight clothes do not make fat women look good. Please, if you know a big girl that thinks she looks great in hip-hugger jeans and belly shirts, tell her “no.”
5. You know those people that say “fuck” way too much? They can do it to themselves.
6. Customer that fakes an English accent because she “went on holiday” for one week in Europe and “just picked it up:” everyone around you knows it’s fake and thinks you’re a pretentious bitch.
7. People who take my stark and awkward silence and expression of pure disdain to mean I’m interested in their kids/job/divorce/other personal matter really need to learn to read body language and facial expressions.
8. Ignorance is not always bliss, guy who doesn’t read signs.
9. I’m sorry you’re having a bad day. I’m not sorry I laughed in your face when you tried to take it out on me.
10. Yes, I have tattoos. Obviously that means I want to see every last one of yours and hear the story behind each one. I’d much rather talk to you than eat my lunch while it’s still hot.
Have a *sparkling* day.
Maybe some of you can’t relate to this because you have “real” jobs. Maybe some of you can’t relate to this because you’re guilty of one or several of the things I mentioned. But if you can relate, feel free to share your horror stories in the comments. Freelancers count, too. But I’ll save that for a different post.